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I know for myself nurturing comes easy, I hold space for people constantly, through all areas of my life. It is who I am, and my purpose. But even for the ones that are like me, there comes a time when we want to be held. Do you ever struggle to accept help and love?
This week was a very emotional week, being in week 31, feeling the pain of the world, realizing that my baby shower will not take place, realizing that I don't always have the best boundaries and seem to over-give constantly...
But that my friends, is nothing we can blame others but ourselves, we always have a choice and we chose where we put our energy. If we are feeling drained and expect others to do for us what we do for them, we love and give with expectations. It's our responsibility to take our power back and to nurture ourselves, instead of giving from an empty cup.
With all of these feelings this week, and honestly feeling like I just want to be held and supported but that due to the lockdown everyone is so "far away". One of my very best friends booked a ticket and surprised me by flying from LA to San Francisco to be here with us this weekend, and not only did she do that... she also put together a video with video clips of people showering me with love and giving us all the blessings to our journey to parenthood and to our baby.
Just wow, the feeling of feeling supported and loved just warmed my heart so much.
I always know I am supported and loved by the universe, I try to live from a place of unconditional love and I am here to shower others with love. But I am also a human living this human experience and at times we all need that nudge, that reassuring warmth from the people in our lives saying "we see you, we love you, we believe in you and never for a second doubt your light and that you are so loved."
You see, I have not always been someone that asks for help, or even expresses that I need it.
I grew up with the idea that "alone you are stronger, and I can only trust myself".
I have always been the smiling bright light, and when I felt hurt or "wounded" I just retreated and "licked my wounds" alone. My Sun sign is in Cancer so it has always been easier to withdraw from the world when I have been sad because with my Moon in Aquarius and my Rising sign in Sagittarius, my mask to the world is to be this light. So I never use to allow myself to fully let people in.
People always knew when something was going on, that I pulled my energy away. Because being an emotional cancer sun sign, everyone around could feel, but I didn't want to let them into my "safe shell".
With time and throughout my healing journey I have learned that I no longer have to take pride in my independence, because humans actually need other humans. We are born to be co-dependent, in healthy ways. But for most we don't even know what a healthy co-dependent relationship is.
The truth is we all need people, in one way to the other. We need someone to sell us our food, we need someone to take care of us when we need medical help, we need someone to deliver our packages... it's in our daily life. The need for other people.
Yet, we take pride in being independent and that we should do things ourselves.
From the beginning of time, we were tribe people, living together and raising our children together. We were not separate.
Now we live alone, and we have a stronger relationship with our phones at times than with other humans.
We see it as a "weakness" to "need" others. Yet, many of us feel lonely and crave human interactions.
And yes, especially in 2020.
Why is it so hard for us to reach out and tell others that we need them?
Why is it so hard to show vulnerability and rather project our anger towards others and blame others for why we are alone?
We have to start using our words in a loving and powerful way. Tell people how much they mean to us, tell them we appreciate them, that we need them, that we care for them.
We need to give as much as we receive. And for the ones, like myself, the over-gives, need to learn how to truly receive. And for the ones that always receive, we need to learn how to give more without any expectations.
Love a little harder, receiving more, accept people and the world from where they/it stands, disconnect and go inwards, and know that you are supported. These are the main messages I received this week and I feel very grateful to be loved so deeply by so many. And my baby boy is already loved so deeply by so many already.
Just wow. My heart feels burst open with love and I am sending love to you, whoever is reading this.
May you know that you deserve love too.
PS.
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